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Three Ways You Can Stop Playing Yourself and Thrive In Your Love Life

People are always communicating what they are available for

I feel the frazzled energy behind me and turn my head as a drink meets the leather of the modern chair I’m sitting up on. Our waitress starts apologizing as I make a gasping sound from the cold drink barely grazing my back. Things happen and in that moment she needed to pause and take a few breaths. The ambience in cocktail bars makes me feel happy and I love that it encourages intimacy. As with any substance, we are provided with opportunities. Alcohol, food, lovers, friends… anything external to us can be a pathway of avoidance and connection; pain and pleasure.

Are you unintentionally wasting your own time? You could be someone who’s felt frustrated in dating before. That feeling of frustration was born from a distorted perception that another person was wasting your time. I know, I know- I can be a buzzkill to the illusions people like to entertain out of avoidance of facing themselves. I used to be a professional escape artist, you can read more about my coming to Jesus moment here. The wisdom from my lived life experiences is priceless.

The truth will set you free and, at first, ruffle your feathers a bit. One of my favorite things about working with clients and nurturing the essence of who they are is dropping them into a deeper knowing, truth and (re)connecting them to consciously creating their life experiences. I believe our trips around the sun are too short to be trying to escape and avoid intentionally playing the game of life; on purpose. 

The art of communication is a key fundamental to being luxurious in mind, body and soul. This art has nothing to do with and everything to do with the spoken word. I’m passionate about self-expression born from the gift of presence. My dates’ vibes can typically be as dry as the ice in my personally crafted cocktails. I can appreciate the loud simplicity and cooling longevity. There are three ways you stop playing yourself and thrive in your love life.

You’ve got to KNOW what you purely desire.

As I open the menu, I’m magnetized to the Witches Heart. When I drink liquor, I choose gin. Anything else, I’m not interested in. This halloween cocktail is precisely what I desire; almost. 

The clear communication that came with my dates expressed desire for a lasting loving relationship with a special and rare woman who he could build a future with & spoil for the rest of her life was complemented by the undercurrent of nervousness.

You’ve got to ASK for what you purely desire.

I express to the waitress what would craft the original cocktail offering into precisely what would bring me the most joy. “Please have the bartender craft it with a fruity or floral note. Thank you!” You’ve got to stand for your pure desires; have standards. When you have low energetic standards, you’ll typically think it has to do with other people or the external so you’ll often become guarded/rigid or a doormat/people pleaser paired with manipulating/contorting yourself to be accepted by anyone and everyone. What if there are no problems just self-imposed limitations?

Speaking of notes, it was my request to hear his voice over the phone prior to our date that breathed respect into the foundation of our connection. In the vetting process, respecting both peoples time is a quality gift to bring to any table; connection. No matter how long you both sit at the proverbial table that is created when two people connect. With all do respect, saying you are the table when asked what you bring to the table is you overcompensating for an insecurity. It’s one of the many costumes your ego likes to put on display. Admittedly, I used to say this before I was centered and anchored into my own energy field. Both people can be the prize.

You’ve got to LISTEN to receive what someone is communicating with(out) words.

In between our chemistry and connection, our waitress sets down the aesthetically pleasing cocktail and I have a taste. “It’s perfect! Thank you and please tell the bartender I appreciate them.” 

It’s a common thing for men and women to get caught up in the web of someone’s words without listening to what isn’t being said or throwing a connection away due to taking what someone else says or does personally. They are resistant to true intimacy and fall in love with their own egos expectations or their created idea of who the other person is to down the line only be surprised or “played” by someone you never truly had curiosity or commitment to discovering moment-to-moment to begin with.

You played yourself no one else is to blame. They served you in your refinement bringing you closer to home within you whether you can see it yet or not. Some people never do and continue to believe that the other person is somehow the problem. People don’t need to be fixed, they thrive when loved and respected for all of who they are. This is not to be confused with enabling behaviors of codependents. 

My date and I have a connection and chemistry. Generally speaking, the truth, a coping strategy, behind the words and conversations often hold an excuse to hold each other at arm’s length or passive aggressively creating distance to slow down the pace without actually talking about it. You can distract yourself through disconnection and stay in your mind with learning about attachment styles or cut the shit and know that at the end of the day it’s the illusion of fear that has you controlling and not trusting in life itself. When you can trust yourself, you can trust others.

Contrary to popular belief, no one can waste your time nor can you waste anyone else’s time. As individuals we waste our own time when we choose to distract ourselves from being completely present in a moment of time with or without someone else. In this case, a date or time spent with another. 

I still witness ways that I can give off “mixed signals” where words and actions don’t quite add up. These are places I have yet to consciously decide on in my life. The richness that is tucked away in a dark corner I’ve yet to explore so as to remain comfortable in the illusion that I don’t know or choosing indifference.

Will my date and I have another moment in 3D time/space reality? It doesn’t matter, It’s irrelevant. I encourage you the next moment you are with someone, tune in and know what you purely desire. Choose it, ask for it and deeply listen to anothers experience as well as your own. 

The future is NOW. 

Wildly loving you and humanity,

Allison 💋

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