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From Loft Views to Self-Views: Embracing Autonomy and Artistry in the Cityscape of Life

I can remember signing the lease for my first apartment in this city a few weeks before graduating high school early. I was already gone mentally. Back in those days I had serious FOMO and was in the thick of being a professional escape artist. I was always down to have a good time to fill voids within me and staying home alone to be with myself was something I had no desire to do. The anticipation of being far enough away from family yet not too far. My soul was yearning to develop my own autonomy outside of the codependency nurtured from my unique childhood experiences.

I had lived in most areas of the city over the 15 year span. The perfect choice to spend my twenty-somethings. My favorite place I’ve lived in to-date was this beautiful loft in the heart of downtown. This was my view from the wall of windows. The architects design fit my taste just right. Dramatic lighting illuminating the exposed brick and hallway as you walked in the door. A big bouquet of flowers on the table behind the vintage couch in the center of the living room with matching chairs. What I miss most is having my earbuds in turned up to eleven and dancing in an environment that truly hit just right for me. 

I see beauty in everything, like this photo my sister took with her professional camera of the bouquet behind the cream colored antique couch.  I’ve had a lot of my transformation through relationships of all kinds since 2008. I sense and can feel the cycle is ending and a new beginning is here. 

There is so much wisdom I’ve accessed and an appreciation beyond any words for men. My heart has overflowed lately bringing happy tears to my eyes, a lot more than usual, simultaneously to grieving a version of me that I’m letting go to passionately step into a new expansion and richer quality lifestyle. Typically, if there isn’t adventure and expansion consistently, I’m on to the next thing. I’ve learned to cultivate that in having a full life. It’s always getting better and richer. Having your mind blown over and over never gets old.  Life is so fun when you are in love with intentionally playing the game of life on purpose; consciously.

“Your worth is never in question, it’s infinite. There’s nothing to prove. There are people that will be in awe of you. They will truly be able to see you not who they want you to be for them.”


I’ve never felt more anchored and centered within. I know who I am, what I want and where I’m headed. The admirable and beautiful thing about art or photography is how priceless it is, like you and I. Living art. A breathing, living work of art. My heart loves this photo of flowers- so rich in vibrant color, openness, simply being and existing. Your worth is never in question, it’s infinite. There’s nothing to prove. There are people that will be in awe of you. They will truly be able to see you not who they want you to be for them. You’ve got to see yourself, be with yourself, get to know yourself. Nurture the partnership within you. The next thing you know, someone will choose to play a part in your refinement. Perhaps every day; marriage. Simply because they don’t want to miss out on the masterpiece you’re becoming and the beauty of your being. When you come across someone that enhances your life and you want to be a part of their transformation too, you may have met a partner. Perhaps wanting a partner isn’t the angle that fits, rather the question is do you both desire to BE a partner?


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